WE
need those... Yet it is becoming clearer and clearer that the only
way to stay healthy these days is to grow your own produce at your
organically-designed (sic) backyard, and then raise your own
hogs/poultry etc in an environment that is super pre-tested
(++PremiumPlus) and subjected to huge-ass research for toxic agents
and bizarre nitrogen contaminants—and then sealed in a giant,
ecologically-cool glass globe (so no cancer-carrying sunburst and
mercury-spiked raindrops could mess them up). (Okay, I am being sarcastic.)
After
your sumptuous dinner, you do need exercise, right yo? So biking is
recommended. Purchase a helmet that is approved by a council of
helmet experts from Yale and UC Berkeley, shoes that give you greater
mobility, peace and pleasure (made of beta-carotene and prime
California weed), shirt that doesn't make sweat stick (manufactured
in Saturn where there is no pollution), e-shorts that offer spiritual
orgasm as you pedal (because it comes with a cord that connects to a
Vangelis dubstep remix scented with organic aphrodisiac) etcetera
etcetera.
Oh,
a bike—it must be the kind that went through strict FDA/CDCP/EPA
scrutiny and debated/deliberated on in the United Nations' security
council, or better still, the kind that Lance Armstrong didn't use...
But be aware that when you go out there and bike, you have limited
space to roam, like a treadmill the size of Walmart and encased in
another glass globe—because you may be hit by a hostile ray of the
sun or a falling, malfunctioning drone if you bike outside without
protection. You are not also allowed to engage other bikers to a chat
because humans' pristine nature to spew negative vibes will send out
virus to your computer-generated shorts (programmed by an Apple
apps).
Now,
ready to live your life to the fullest? Swipe that damn AmEx...
[Art by Duane Lucas Pascua]
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